Ayahuasca- What working with the medicine did for me and why I am going back

16 min readJun 20, 2021

What is Ayahuasca?

O.K so firstly a little explanation of what Ayahuasca is (hopefully without turning this article into a science lesson)

Ayahuasca is the combination of two different plants(Psychotria viridis shrub along with the stalks of the Banisteriopsis caapi vine)mainly found in the Amazon rainforest.

The Psychotria leaves contain DMT (dimethyltryptamine) which is the psychoactive element however consumed on it’s own will have no effect as our bodies have enzymes called monoamine oxidases (MAOs) which breaks down the DMT very soon after it enters your system.

This is where the Banisteriopisis caapi vine comes in. The vine is an MAO inhibiter which means when you mix the two together (Shaman’s will boil the two together normally for 24 hours and will stay with the brew for the entire time) the medicine can pass the blood brain barrier. This allows the medicine to take effect over a prolonged period of time (usually 6–8 hours).

To give you some perspective when people smoke DMT it usually lasts no more than 15 minutes. Put it this way if smoking DMT is the movie trailer then drinking Ayahuasca is the lord of the rings trilogy!

Anyway enough of the sciency stuff (there is tonnes about Ayahuasca online if you want to know more)

Approach with caution this ain’t no party drug!

Before we get into this I want to say that I am not recommending Ayahuasca to anybody! I found my own way to the medicine and you have to do the same if you are feeling called to work with it.

I did recommend to it to one friend (after an all night conversation) and it was a genuinely heart warming moment when her friends approached me after the fact and expressed their initial concerns and then their astonishment and joy to see the positive changes that one Ayahuasca session had had on her (she herself described it as 10 years of therapy in one night). Love ya Lyss keep healing sister x

If you are seriously considering working with the medicine I will say

Do your research
Take the dieta seriously
Try your very best to keep an open mind if you want the full benefits of the medicine.

Graham Hancock on JRE (the man who started my journey)

The start of my Journey

I first heard about Aya on the Joe Rogan podcast (don’t judge me I watch for the guests) Graham Hancock was his guest and I was instantly intrigued by him and what he had to say.

I listened intently for almost three hours and I knew this was something I had to learn more about. After hours upon hours of research and weeks of flip flopping I decided to go for it. I was in a very bad place at the time and thought fuck it what do I have to lose?

I had already signed up for a TEFL (teaching English as a foreign language) course in Costa Rica and booked my flight. Luckily for me the retreat that stood out and was continuously showing up on numerous websites with great reviews was also in Costa Rica in a little town called San Ramon (about 45 minutes outside the capital San Jose.

After exchanging several e-mails with Jessica (the wife of the shaman Carlos and joint owner of Nada Brahma healing centre) where I had to be scarily honest as to why I even wanted to work with the medicine. I was green lit to start preparing myself for what was to come….

The Dieta

Jessica sent me a detailed e-mail of all the things I had to cut out of my diet and why. The reasons ranged from the Ayahuasca not being as effective all the way through to me putting my life in danger if certain substances were in my body. The first test was already underway…

O.K here is the list she sent me, do you think you could cut all this out?

These were all for a minimum of seven days

All alcohol
All meat (including fish)
Any product containing caffeine
All unnatural beverages
Dairy and eggs
Fried foods
Processed foods
Canned food
Fermented foods (tofu, beancurd, soybean paste, miso soup)
Soy sauce & Teryaki sauce
Sweets and candy
Refined sugar (including nutrisweet) (natural sugar found in fruits are allowed as well as Stevia)
Salt (try to use minimal salt and use Himalayan salt if you can) Avoid foods with high sodium
All sexual activity (this one was easy for me) *sigh*
All vitamins and supplements (unless cleared by us)

These were all for a minimum of 14 days

1.All cold, flu and cough medication, even if you feel sick

2. All herbal medicines, especially Ginseng

3. Protein extracts and dietary supplements

4. All pharmaceutical and over the counter medication

5. cigarettes to the extent possible

6. all synthetic drugs, including but not limited to cocaine, opiates, MDMA, DMT, acid,

7. Cannabis and CBD (unless you need it for a medical reason and have cleared it with us.

I am not going to lie this was tough even though I was already vegan and not exactly smashing lines every weekend (coffee and marijuana were tough)

I was cranky to say the least for the first three days (I decided to cut everything out for the entire 14 days) but as time went by I started to feel different, I was sleeping better, I had more energy, I felt generally more happy in mind and body…….I was excited to get on that plane.

Arriving at Nada Brahma

Where we had our ceremonies. I often visit this place in my mind

After introducing ourselves to one another (nine of us in total) the staff kindly asked us to hand in all electronic devices including watches and also any books or other reading materials we had as they were all distractions from the healing process. We were encouraged to write a journal as it could help us to process and understand what we would be going through over the next seven days.

We were given a tour of the beautiful property before we were introduced to Carlos and he explained a little bit about what was to come. Carlos speaks in such a way that you could listen to him for hours and it would feel like 10 minutes. I have never met anyone like him and he has a awesome story about his journey with Ayahuasca (not my story to tell but check out the website if you want to read about his incredible journey About Carlos — Nada Brahma Healing Center)

Kambo

Kambo is an ancient medicine that has been used for thousands of years by many tribes in the Amazon Rainforest. The Shaman collects the secretion from the Giant Monkey (Phyllomedusa Bicolor) frog’s back before returning the animal to it’s habitat unharmed

After being shown the space where we would be taking all medicines we were asked to go back to the main house and each consume four litres of water…..we had 20 minutes to do this. We all sloshed back down the hill 25 minutes later feeling equal parts nervous, excited and full of a shit tonne of fluid.

Carlos and his assistant Harol proceeded to administer the Kambo to myself and the others (this is done by burning five small holes on the skin and then placing a tiny amount of the secretion over said holes)

I felt nothing……for about twenty seconds, then my feet went tingly, then my whole body went tingly, then I felt an extreme heat raise up starting again from my feet and rising to the top of my head and thennnnnnn the purging started (I'm talking the Jackass movies kinda throwing up, imagine if you were taking a panoramic photo on your iPhone 34sx whatever the fuck and the whole photo was vomit…..yeah that's the best desription I can give you)

This little guy fucked me up but in the best way

It sucked and I was not ready for how intense it was and how quickly the effects would come on. I couldn’t even speak between chunders but after a few minutes it started to ease and as soon as I brought up bile Carlos was over to rub the Kambo off my arm and within seconds I felt great (my eyes and lips were swollen but that is a common occurrence)

Anything bad that was left in my body had well and truly fucked off! I was cleansed, I was a little rattled but I was pumped for that evening and our first session with Aya. We were told to go and rest back at the house and they would come for us when it was time.

My first experience with Ayahuasca

I would just like to say at this point that after a lot of internal back and fourth I have decided to not go into great detail in regards of what I saw and experienced during my time under the influence of Ayahuasca.

I have shared my experience (and been happy to do so) with numerous people during my travels over this past year and as important as it is to me to spread the good word of this life changing medicine, the experience that people have with Ayahuasca is unique to themselves and can be extremely profound and personal, if I was to go into detail about my journey then it could influence a persons decision to work with the medicine (or not) and I am not comfortable with that amount of (potential) influence. That being said lets dive in…

I would guess that we were called down to the ceremony space 2–3 hours after the Kambo experience.

We all made our way back down the hill filled with nerves and excitement in equal measure (my eyes and lips were still swollen from the Kambo…. I looked like I had gone 12rounds with Floyd Mayweather).

We all picked our spots on the mats got comfortable and Carlos & Harol explained to us what lay ahead. We started with Mariselle leading us in a guided meditation. I am pretty sure I fell asleep because the next thing I knew Liberty was telling me it was my turn. I went and sat in front of Carlos and he told me not to be scared and to surrender myself to the medicine.

Let me tell you Ayahuasca is the worst tasting thing I have ever had. It is simultaneously bitter, sour and earthy but too much of all those things…..fucking horrible but I guess all medicine is gross (except calpol that stuff is the bomb). I went back to my space and tried to meditate/sleep but the anticipation was too strong. I assume 30–40 minutes went by before I started to feel something.

My eyes were closed and these incredibly intricate fractal patters started to trickle down into my minds eye. They somehow seemed to fit the Icaros (music that Carlos, Harol and Mariselle were playing). It was both surreal and enjoyable. This went on for a while before I felt the urge to purge. Purging can manifest in many ways during ceremonies including but not limited too vomiting, defecating, urinating, belching, yawning, laughing and losing control of your limbs.

I threw up for what felt like an eternity (still whilst seeing fractals) but in reality was probably around 20minutes. It was physically quite painful but Carlos was right when he said that I would feel better after. It felt like I had released a bad part of me.

The night then seemed to melt into a mix of fidgeting, visions, purging and a genuine struggle to be and stay present. I know that I have a very science orientated way of thinking and because of this it felt like a tug of war. The Ayahuasca was pulling me one way but my refusal to let go and my need to understand what I was feeling and experiencing was pulling me in the other direction. I felt frustrated with myself but also a sense of relief that I have survived the night. Little did I know that the best was yet to come….

The Garden, Rapé and a life changing journey with Mother Aya

We were encouraged to go back up to the house when we felt ready and to try and get some sleep (an Ayahuasca night is a restless night). I got a couple of hours before we all met up for integration.

Integration is when the people that have worked with the medicine sit with each other and share their experience of the previous night. In my opinion this is vitally important as (at least in my personal experience) it not only can help you to understand your own journey and the plethora of information you will undoubtedly receive during the sessions but it can also make it easier to share your story with your new friends, lower those barriers and to see that it is ok to be truly vulnerable.

Listening to the people sitting in that circle with me, people who were complete strangers just 48hours previous be so painfully honest about what they saw, what they felt, what they experienced was beautiful and humbling and as a result I felt connected to them and comfortable to share what I went through which helped me to understand and be at peace with my own experience.

The Garden

After our integration session Fane (another assistant to Carlos) asked us all if we wanted to learn a meditation technique that she called “The Garden” of course we all said yes.

To explain the technique will turn this already long article into an essay so I will attempt a condensed version. I will put the explanation of the meditation at the bottom of the article so hopefully this flows better.

Rapé

O.K so a quick explanation of what Rapé is

Tobacco snuff is a sacred shamanic medicine or tool, that has been used by tribes of the Amazon basin for thousands of years and is an essential part of their tribal culture and history. Rapé is the name for one of many of these snuffs, and it’s foundation lies by numerous indigenous tribes in Acre, Brazil. Curiously, Rapé is not sniffed, snorted or inhaled. Instead, it is administered (blown) into the nostrils with a special blowpipe called “Kuripe” (self administration) or “Tepi” (another person administers). This “blow” is quite forceful and not specifically pleasant. It can be rather shocking.

That last sentence is very accurate! the best way I can describe taking Rapé is like an instant thunderstorm in your head. It really fucking hurt but only for around 30seconds (and then again when you do the other nostril….its all about balance)

We did the medicine down at the beautiful waterfall on the property which made the experience a lot nicer and after the initial pain I felt great. The way I describe it to people is imagine having a HD (high definition) switch on the side of your head and switching it on. The sky becomes bluer, the trees become greener, the bird songs become clearer and your mind becomes calmer.

I felt so grounded and grateful to be where I was and surrounded by these wonderful souls. All my doubt and my anxiety about where I was and what I was doing melted away and I felt great. I still believe that Rapé was a big part of why my 2nd ceremony went the way that it did.

Give me water and I will meditate in it haha

Round two….Holy mother of Aya

I went into the 2nd ceremony still feeling very at peace with myself and what I was about to do. I think this accompanied with the fact that I had now had an experience with Ayahuasca allowed my anxiety to be practically non existent. The intention I gave myself that evening and my message/ request to mother Ayahuasca was “show me what you need to show me”……..she did and so much more.

As I mentioned earlier I will not be going into detail of what I saw that night but I will say that it was very hard and I felt on the verge of a freak-out but I remembered the breathing technique that Carlos had taught us and that pulled me back from the brink.

looking back I can now see that she put me through a series of tests that night (some that I passed quicker than others) and every time I passed a test I was rewarded with an incredible experience, or an answered question, or some incredible insight, or a peek behind the curtain of what all this means and why we are all here.

It was one of the most incredible experiences of my life and I have never felt so connected to myself and everyone and everything AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. I had this incredible feeling of oneness, of unity, of inner peace. I don’t know if I have ever felt that truly happy. It was like overdosing on positivity.

I am writing this now with a big smile on my face just reminiscing about the experience and how incredible I felt it really was that powerful.

If I am honest I can’t really remember a great deal about my third session but I do know that it was cantered a lot around acceptance. Acceptance of myself and others, for the mistakes I had made, for the bad that I had done and the bad that had been done to me. I let go of it all (I think she gave me the night off lol)

I think this is it guys. I could go on but I think this is probably long enough as it is (if you made it this far well done you)

Working with Ayahuasca for me was a life changing experience and if I could go back in time I would not change a single second of it.

As difficult as it was at points if I didn't go through what I did then I wouldn't be where I am right now and who I am right now and all things considered I am pretty proud of myself this last year and a half and sure a sizeable amount of that is owed to Nada Brahma and Ayahuasca but I am happy to say that I am now in a place in my life where I can see and say that a big part of it is because of me, of who I am and who I am becoming….

Thank you for reading this and I wish you all nothing but health and happiness

See ya soon

Paul x x x

Garden meditation as promised

Essentially you create a garden in your mind however you would like it to be, however there are some elements that are essential….

You have steps going down into your garden (this should help you relax into the meditation)
You must have a high place in your garden that you can climb (mine was a giant tree but you can choose whatever you like)
You need a body of water (waterfall for me…why wouldn’t you have a waterfall in your dream garden?)
You need a fire (nice spot outside my log cabin)
A hole in the ground (nothing fancy about this one)
You have a gardener (mine was Jose he’s a great old boy)

So the reason you have a gardener is basically to make a deal with him/her. My 1st ever deal was to be a good and confident teacher by my birthday which was just over three months away and in return for this I would do a good deed/ selfless act every day until then.

My sideways garden (I am good with computers)

I asked if it was a deal and he agreed (you check that he/she is O.K. with the deal….I think this is your subconscious in reality)

So the high place is so that you can feel wind and the ferocity of the wind signifies your current state of mind e.g. slight breeze=calmness Hurricane=you have a lot on your mind

The hole is where you bury yourself in earth during the meditation and it signifies your desire to make something materialise e.g. if you bury your big toe your probably not too fussed but if you completely submerge yourself then you really really want it!

The fire signifies your excitement to starts something new (a project, a relationship, a journey etc…) if you feel nothing in the fire then maybe the new thing isn’t for you. If you feel engulfed by the fire (not in a painful way) then your suuuuuper buzzed to get things started.

The water signifies your emotions so if the water is nice and refreshing then you are in a good place and on the right path but if its too hot or too cold (like Goldilocks porridge/ oatmeal for my American friends) then it might be time to revaluate your current situation.

These might seem a little samey and honestly it has been a year and a half so my memory is a little hazy (I have to admit that I don’t practice this meditation anywhere near as much as I should but I’m working on it) but I can say that it is a very calming meditation technique and it can really help in regards to clarity and manifesting positive changes in your life!